Red Tape

I have been an entrepreneur for all of 3 years now.  Not much hey.  Well believe me it feels like 30 years.  But surprisingly I am still at it. I have witnesses fear, frustration, worry, stress, hesitation, passion, disappointment, and best of all failure.  In one simple sentence I can say it’s been deep. I have a million reasons why it has been so challenging but what keeps me going is more worthy than those reasons. Literally what keeps me going is the fact that success is certain. Even after a hectic day with losses and zero balance in my bank account, I am still sure that success I certain.

Most of the reasons why success is a challenge are inside me really.  Has nothing to do with the economy and my history.  Don’t misunderstand me, those play a role too but they aren’t the main ones.  They are just the bonus problems this earthly life bestows upon you.  The rest are in you.  First of all to be an entrepreneur/self-employed you need to believe that you can.  The road to believing you can is such a challenging process. It took me all of 10 years. I would wonder what was so great about me that I didn’t want a corporate job. What would make people buy form me? And simply am I special enough to can? Do these sound familiar?  Today I ask who made me question myself that much.

After you answer I can to that question; you must ask how? After 12 years of formal schooling, a degree and job experience, I had no clue how to run my own business? This is after being part of a retail chain that was successful? What exactly had I learnt at school? In Business Economics class?  And my degree? Where do I start? Words like business plan traumatized me. I had no clue how to even read an income statement, let alone create one.  Mind you I wore that black gown with the belt and hat, there is a picture of me somewhere in my graduation garb, and according to people I am educated. But what education did I have that resulted in me not knowing how to sell a dress?

Finally you find out how.  You are trading. Well even. Everyone knows you and you are growing.  But wait, where is the profit?  And how do I record this profit. And what do I do with this profit? I need help too; it’s all getting too much! You need to hire a person and also pay them.  Continuously.  This raises questions on your pricing.  Pricing equals money.  Money.  Each one of us has their own attitude to this powerful piece of paper.  For me, I literally respected it.  I thought I didn’t deserve a lot of it, I mean who are you to be rich? And how dare you charge that much for a dress? This hurdle will take you long to overcome.  You will need to befriend an accountant so as to become your own company’s accountant, and do it well to see results.  You will also loose clients and friends because suddenly you are expensive.  It will be painful.

Oh look you have made a success of your SME. You are now on the profit making side of life.  It is not thousands, but there is something.  Now you need to move up again. Move forward. Maybe forward is opening a shop for you.  This week we went on a shop location expedition.  At the end of the day the conclusion was we need a lot of money.  I was even wondering why I hadn’t chosen a business in property!  You find yourself needing more space, but affording a small space. This is a level where you will have to jump or sink. 

In all you do as an entrepreneur remember why you started; and that success is certain.  It is highly impossible that you could’ve come up with such an idea without you planning to make it work.  Also remember you have to work twice as hard as a corporate employee, and 5 times harder than all other people just to make your first R1. Reporting from the other side I can honestly say it is worth it.  I have lost money, friends and family for my endeavor.  I don’t regret it all.  There is a goal I must achieve, and I will do anything to get it. Regardless of all the natural/unnatural red tape I meet. 

Oppressor vs Oppressed

So far I have heard about atleast 3 stories of racism in our country since the beginning of 2016. With each story I learn something new about the state of our country’s people.  Sometimes sadness, hurt and sometimes just frustration.  First of all the racism doesn’t move me much.  I completed high school at a former Afrikaans school.  Our class was the 2^nd English class in that school. When I arrived there, I was the first ‘black’ child in the boarding hostel, the school song was Afrikaans, assembly songs were Afrikaans...I mean they had the old blue, white and orange flag in the school hall.  This was in 1999. 

Isn’t it just sad that 4 years after democracy I experienced apartheid. The most interesting part was the fact that I didn’t know I was ‘black’ until I went to a multiracial school. I also didn’t know that there was something ‘not right’ about being ‘black’ until I made it to this high school.  My childhood was spent amongst people that looked like me, spoke like me, ate what I ate, and did the things I did.  We were just people.  ‘White’ people were on TV, and that was ok.

Today it is 22 years after democracy.  Yet there is no rainbow anywhere.  Apartheid now lives in peoples mind and hearts.  I believe in both ‘black’ and ‘white’ people. What is democracy? What was this dream that we were sold in 1994? What were the conditions of that contract? Because I do believe the contract is beginning to unravel at the corners.  Apartheid to me is a mental attack.  This is the main reason it still exists.  And it will not die until a mental shift takes place.  A mental shift for those who were oppressed by it and those who conducted it; and those who were told about it.  I am not able to even imagine which generation is free form apartheid.  My children (who aren’t even born yet) will hear about it.  This is mainly because I will have to explain Soweto to them one day.  Why does it exist and how was it formed?  The reasons link back to that time.  

I have also come to realize that there are a lot of people in South Africa who are not aware of what apartheid did and is still doing.  I think we call them previously privileged.  These people love to just move with ease, take what they want and walk past the person without a job begging for a job at the robot.  They are indifferent.  They will tell you oh we weren’t involved in apartheid, we didn’t experience it much.  How are you South African and was not involved in apartheid? You not knowing and then ignoring it after learning of it is also being involved. So many people’s speech is utterly shocking.  The level of arrogance is just amazing.  I didn’t struggle that much in my life, atleast I don’t think I did. But I am aware that my friend’s father worked in the mine far from home and made peanuts his entire life; so much so that my friend struggled financially. I am aware. I am involved.

The scariest thing for any ‘black’ person today is to be in a lift with a ‘white’ person. I mean after you hear a woman screaming ‘ I will get a gun and shoot them all’ you start wondering.  This fear that is being spread has always been there.  This is what apartheid was built from.  No one will devise such a good plan for a group of people that didn’t seem like a threat.  Apartheid was just a forward avoidance plan.  To ensure that a certain group of people never ever realize their full potential.  You demoralize the head of a family; you have killed all generations to follow.  Why was it important to kill future generations?

There is a revolution in motion though J we may not see it or feel it or understand it. But there is a revolution in motion.  For the first time in a long time a large amount of people are talking.  The oppressed has finally come into the room to support Steve Biko.  It is evident in Africa and across the ocean to America.  People are unapologetic about their opinions and getting all the closer to implementing that which they dream of.  I think it’s about time.  This is the reason why all the racist rants don’t move me.  For I can see change.  I think it is highly best for all the racists to be active in public. Better an enemy you know than one you don’t even suspect.  The entire country has freedom of speech, therefore we shall hear you.  Let’s talk. Let’s dissect.  Because we all have a lot to learn and deal with.  The oppressor has a lot to realize about their actions, and the oppressed has a lot to get off their chests. 

Take care of home

This week and entire month a lot has been happening in South Africa. I mean from burning buses, to lodge racism to videos of teachers being oppressed.  It’s too much.  It’s a lot. It feels like that part of the night just before the morning.  Unbearable. And you start wondering if South Africa was once rich by robbing other continents as well, that now we are paying for it.  A lot of it feels like change, and change is good but going through the process is not. 

I believe to change, we need to take care of your own.  There are so many social ills in our country.  Counting them will make us realize the others related to those.  The most important ones for me, which I want to discuss today is ‘charity begins at home’. When you want to change the world, you start by dealing with you first.  We want a different country, a better country and better conditions. We all have to take care of ourselves first and let that rub off on everyone around us.

On a larger scale, for South Africa to be taken seriously we need to look serious ourselves.  We need to raise our levels as we would say today.  The standards must be improved.  No one will take us seriously if we ourselves are mediocre.  This applies to everything we do. It applies to how we educate, police, nurse, serve and deal with each other.  We as South Africans need to teach the world how to deal with us.  I believe when you show the world your level, they will approach you with that same or even higher level.  We need to command respect.

I saw pictures of the state of a hospital this week. I was not necessarily surprised sadly.  I realized this problem a few years back when my own grandmother was in hospital.  The hospital she was in was a government hospital, and absolutely inhabitable. I cried that day. For my grandmother.  She deserved better.  They deserve better. We all deserve better. I realized that hospitals are now employing people who ‘need’ jobs, not those passionate about nursing people.  Then they pay them just enough to keep them in but unhappy.  What do you expect from a nurse that makes peanuts? Passion? Love? Nothing? How do you pay people that should take care of the sick and needy peanuts? They render a service so high but receive close to nothing.

The same picture exists with our police force. I don’t need to list the incidents with police. I’m sure everyone of us knows someone who has been asked for a bribe by a traffic cop or police officer. Sometimes, you feel wrong for denying them that bribe.  You see their struggle but also know the law. Again these are the people that protect the community.  But their salaries are nowhere near that of a CEO of a corporate company. What motivation must this person have when they wake up?  The deal is face our crime, attempt to fight it and we pay you peanuts? 

Third one is education.  This is by far my most concerning area.  This one is a huge one because we will see the results of this mistake in a few years, and unfortunately we will not be able to correct it.  This one is dependent on time and people.  I still wonder why the education system was changed.  Not to say it was acceptable before. But changed to an even more questionable process. What is OBE? Is it working? And who qualifies to be a teacher? Are we hiring people passionate to be teachers or are those all going to private schools that pay more but not reachable for most of our people?  What kind of a generation/s are we creating through this?  Also these soldiers are not paid enough. Yes according to me. 

I am summing up 3 major areas in one article. Books can be written on each.  I just want you to start thinking. Trigger something in you and may be you could be the next person to bring change.  These 3 are what I believe need urgent attention today.  I am in no way suggesting it will be easy or even profitable from step 1, but in the long run we will not regret this.   If we take care of our own, our own will take care of us.  If the world realizes how we take care of our own, they shall bestow such levels to our country.  If our hospitals are filled with nurses that are efficient and happy, that attracts more favorable investments from other nations.  If we have efficient and happy police, crime could drop just a bit, and other nations will think twice before coming here for criminal activity. And if we take care of our teachers, I mean only GOD know what talent we could see in our future.

Some issues in our country are not necessarily difficult to correct.  They are not formulas or long macro-economic situations. They are literally linked to how we condone ourselves in our families.  South Africa is your family.  What is the world saying about your family? Why? And what have you done about it?

Your money is waiting for you!

If you look around you a lot like a do constantly, you will start to realize there is just way too much money floating.  I mean look at what happened at Mall of Africa last week at the grand opening.  There was literally traffic to go into a mall, so much so that using the N1 Pta at that specific offramp was the worst decision for you to make that day...and the following day...and the next.... today was functional but I did see a line of cars slowly waiting to flow in.  This created a lot of conversations between me and those close to me, about how gullible the South African customer is, and how deep and huge consumerism has become in South Africa.

When I m alone start to think about the fact that this simply means South Africans have money to use.  They have so much money they are willing to stand in line at 6am to walk into a store and purchase multiple items of a product just because it is on a special low price.  I mean who wakes up at that hour to go to a mall? For a product? Because it is at half price.  South Africans. Apparently.  So... how do I divert that money into my pocket?  This was my next question.  How do I make sure South Africans come to me and stand in line for my product.  What is necessary for such a result to take shape?

Everyone of us is blessed with something to pull all that money into our own pockets.  The trick is how, why and what?  People are literally waiting for a reason to spend money.  There is a step in entrepreneurship that asks is your product needed, if not how and can you create a need for it?  I mean can you make someone believe they need your product and now is the perfect time to purchase it?  Most of us are just simply lazy. Lazy to think beyond matric or your graduation year.  You think because you have a degree, your brain capacity is exhausted. No. Not really.

I believe we are all wealthy. We just don't know how to receive the wealth.  Imagine your money (whatever amount you think of) is waiting for you around you hovering like a halo.  All you need to do is find a channel for it to flow to your pocket, and then multiply it.  Some find this quick, some take years and other die without ever realizing their true God given wealth.  I sit and dream about the day my entire family places orders with me all at once.  Assuming each product is at R1000 each, with 73 cousins on my paternal side, that equals R73 000 sales. One side of the family, cousins only.  If I add their parents its another R12 000. And so forth.  This is potentially the money I could make from family only... half of my family at that.  So what are your potential sales with your idea where you are right now? and How do you change potential to real?

I love this feeling of knowing my success is a certainty.  Especially if I strive, learn, persist, and work with determination to achieve it, its definately happening, soon.  It is all in the mind to begin with, then in the preparation and then finally in implementation.  There is no one person on earth who is not bestowed with the ability to achieve.  The pie is massive  and all of us have a piece of it in our time here on earth.  You are just simply lazy, not confident , think you will earn it through others, or quickly, or just not focused on this.  Once you set the goal and align your everyday life with it, soon will become TODAY.

Your story...

As if being female on earth is not a hard enough challenge, women actually have their own pressures on themselves that they create.  Best of all they have someone to blame for each, which ofcourse allows them to exclude themselves from the responsibility of actually explaining why they have such a clause on their lives.Most of the time they blame culture, religion and their husbands. I have met so may women who say to me they cannot wear short skirts at their inlaws homes because it i not allowed.  I always ask why?  Then they always think I'm challenging the rule.  Whereas all Im saying is 'why do you follow the rule'?  I mean how many rules are there that we break everyday? Personally, probably all.
I have no issues with those that stick to the rules and follow them to the T, I have issues with those that follow them because they believe they have to, but have no clue why they have to.  People that follow a crowd silently scare me. I mean not once do you ever want to say why or what if I did this another way?  Yes I know this is because Im that person with the why. On everything.  I believe its one of the freedoms I've been granted in 2016; young black and loud.  Today many actually want to know what the young  black female thinks; probably first time in like forever.
My favorite example with this subject is all the things we do that arent requested by anyone.  Lets keep it close and personal.  Lets discuss what most of us do when we find a new man.  Automatically you think you need to cook for him, clean for him, clean after him, etc.  Because your mom did it? Because your mom taught you such? Because society says a good woman does that? Or because you want to?  Then ofcourse the man is just himself unapologetically.  He doesn't do anything he wouldn't do normally.  Then he cheats, leaves and you say 'after all I did for you'. But wait, who asked you to do them?  You were being kind?  Well thank you.
I went through such a stage in my life.  Devoted and invested so much of what my mother gifted me with, and still the relationship ended.  I was totally sure it would work. Forgetting my mother did them for her husband, not boyfriend.  Now Im not saying dont do them for your boyfriend, Im just saying she was dealing with a different relationship to mine, in a different time to mine.  I did it too at my first job.  That first year I became the go to person.  The one who will stay a bit late; who stands up first to do any work needing to be done.  Yes it benefited me career wise; but I didn't have to do it.  But I believed I had to; and that people would reciprocate (side eye right here...).
Today Im the total opposite to all that.  Unapologetically so.  No I haven't become immoral; or rebellious.  I am simply letting life lead me.  The day I discovered that the man Im in a relationship with doesn't need me to cook 'Sunday kos' every Sunday was absolutely shocking.  I was offended.  I was hurt. I was asking is my food bad?  I was wondering where did he eat?  Like who is feeding him?  Because in my mind Im meant to ensure when he walks in there's food on the table, always.  Guess what. He only eats when he's hungry.  Which I have learnt now is twice in a day.  This goes for cleaning the house as well.  He really couldn't be bothered when or if I clean.  But I came in with that skill mastered to the T as well.  And delivered on a task not necessary.
Maybe you say its culture.  Maybe you say its religion.  Maybe mama taught you.  I think I will stick with asking myself if this works for me, and if I can be consistent at it. Best of all what is my opinion on it.  I have a feeling the young black woman is living in an era that is changing ; and some culture, religion and mommy teachings are getting challenged. It is time to write your story.

Corpoboring

Two years ago I left corporate.  For a reason. And lo and behold in 2016 I find positions that I believe are great investments towards my career as a fashion bomb.But ofcourse as usual I want it on my terms...kikiki in a world that operates opposite to me! I am that crazy yes.  So I went to two interviews excited with doing this again and also already dreaming about my next project in the fashion journey.
At the first interview I was totally psyched.  I couldn't believe I was there for a position. It is a big fashion home. I will not divulge the name because I am still holding my big toes that somehow they make a mistake and call me back.  So the interview was great. According to me ofcourse. Then again I"m good with conversations, so much I forget why I am having the conversation and with who I am doing it.  Therefore, telling too much and relaxing too much.   Which is probably the case here.
The second interview was just hilarious.  As in I laughed through it all.  The interviewer was simply just unaware and not interested in me.  From the moment he walked in with me.  He was just not interested.  I found this simply entertaining.  Mostly because he kept trying to find questions to ask me.  To fill the air.  Like I am unable to fill it.  And for some reason it was as if I was there as a heart surgeon and being interviewed for a neurology position.  It lasted 15 minutes including walking to my car.  While laughing.
The point of this post is at both interviews I was told I am simply too creative.  Which I cannot deny. But found amazing.  You see for someone like me who has to create everyday, I didn't realize how creative I am.  I just take it as part of who I am, and somehow I expect it not to be a 'thing'.  Am I making sense?  Like Sheldon (from Big Bang Theory) really thinks we all know science like he does. He knows he's intelligent but he expects those around him to be the same.  And also value that fact.  Well hmmm not really.  Apparently you can loose a position because you are too creative.
I am sure it starts with my entire dress code.  The hairstyle is a problem. To them. Then I am always looking smart formal in a creative way.  I do not own a black suit of any sort, or a grey one or even a white one.  Or anything corporate looking.  I know this because it takes me an hour to dress for an interview, and 5 minutes to dress for Roka Roko.  Then they ask, 'what do you do?', and I say 'I am a fashion designer'.  Apparently it sound like ' I am a creative person'.
I am not necessarily complaining.  I am surprised I am here.  When I left corporate I was empty.  Finished.  I couldn't even imagine a dress by simply looking at flowers.  I was so depleted of creativity I struggled for 6 months to do anything different, I thanked God print was in. All I had to do is manipulate the prints and voila.  Today I can imagine how to manipulate the actual pattern to make newness.  I have regained my creativity.  And apparently its illegal in the world of corporate.  Sigh.
So I shall wait and see which area in corporate can allow me to flourish on my own terms.  Which by the way say I go to work on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday only.  I start at 9am and end at 3pm? NO. Asking for too much?  Well someone said if you think it, meditate on it and write it down, it has 96% chance of actually happening!  So lets see.  But then again...I just might create this position myself, for myself :)

Ta
Me

Brain format.

Well...

This post is going to be like a testimonial, or a confession of some sorts. I'm giggling as I write this(unfortunately there is no emoticon for that!).

This week I realised once you have a near death experience, you simply fear nothing.  Even the things you think you fear, are just illusions really. Now this state of mind is ofcourse both scary and amazing. I mean you spend most of your life being in fear of something or everything, in all the processes of existence you are taught from day 1 to have an element of fear. Then one day you come close to experiencing the one thing most humans claim to fear, DEATH, and then God say 'watch out...I'm bawsss not you'. Can you imagine!

My near death experience came in the form of a vein exploding in my brain. Something I didn't even think was possible. When the doctor told me what I had suffered after surviving atleast two hours of hospital admin...while unconscious that is, I just said what is that? So I didn't have the opportunity to panic or what not. I just thought ergh I'm sick, less time in real life.  Because you see, somewhere , somehow I had gotten myself to that place. All the things I had done with my life, led me there. To that bed. With that complication.

My body seemed to thank me. And I agreed with it.  I got 3 months off work!!! And didn't care. Honestly I didn't. I decided to see it as a sabbatical; where all my family and friends visit me everyday...whoop whoop.  I allowed myself to be.  I was ok with the complication, understood I had a 50 /50 chance of ever making it out 100%.  And yet again I was just fine. I was so ok I was literally impatient the day of the surgery(which involved going into my brain). I was like can we get this done so I know if I'm making it or not. And that attitude got  me here, functioning just fine.

So today I am living a life wayyyyyyy different from the day I collapsed. And its about to change again. The change was my biggest fear ever, but it has come to my door and I cannot say no no more. I simply have to ride the storm. I'm not sure how to explain it to you, but I am a new person. Some of those who knew be before will agree with me, but I am a work in progress. When major things happen (accident, loss of loved ones, robbery, etc.) I now simply let them be. I sit as long as I have to to deal with the numbness in my legs; my time limit for that is a day.  Then I cry as long as I have to. Then my brain does something I never did before. It goes silent. Absolutely just silent. Then it starts finding solutions to the predicament at hand. Before I would dwell on my mistakes, stay numb from fear and shock for months, and stay angry for yearrrssssss. Nah, that's over!

I learned
- that life is just short. No joke. I'm 29. 40 is 10 years away! Then 50.....
- that my life is precious. Yes I'm here for a reason, I can make that reason worthy or a curse.
- shit happens. DEAL
- I'm not for everyone. Some love me and some don't. BLAH
- nothing absolutely nothing is bigger than GOD.
- you are able to face most things in life. And come out new and victorious.
- people around you are Gods angels. Take care of them, and let them take care of you.
- my favourite, life is too short for bullshit. Don't take it.

I learned from my father that you need to work hard to have whatever you want. I learned from my sister that you can sleep on someone's couch and still run a business that leads you to drive the car you want in less than 5 years. I learned from my mom that she believes in me no matter what; I could start a dog farm tomorrow and she would support me...and she doesn't like dogs! I can tell you so many lessons I've learned form many many of the amazing people around me; and thank the Lord I'm blessed with amazing souls; BUT the best lesson I learned was from me. I learned that I am way way way stronger than I think. My name defines that.

So I say if you have had a life threatening experience(or watched a loved one go through it), you are blessed. You are awake. And that is something most people lose at birth. When you come out on the other side, allow the change to take place. You will be amazed at what lives in you.  The entire whole universe is in you, you need to give it a chance to work with you. No hardship is by mistake, it is exactly what you need at that time to become what your purpose requires you to be to pursue it to perfection.

Ta
Me